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The stereotype that Black fathers are perpetually absent has persisted in U.S. media and culture for well over 50 years. One Henrico father is trying to change the narrative.
“The Black fathers in the media are never home, they're not around, they’re maybe abusive or they got babies spread all over the world,” said Vincent Ellis White. “I'm here to say that that's not the case.”
White himself grew up without a father. The man he thought was his father was habitually incarcerated. When he was 16, he learned that man wasn’t his biological father. He found his father at age 27, two years after having his own son.
“My dedication to fatherhood comes from my fatherless upbringing,” White said. “Dealing with the lack of a father is a sink or swim thing. Instead of me sinking and following the same pathway as far as jail or lack of fathering, it made me swim in a sense of being a great father and being forever present.”
Not only is White a strong single father, but he also acts as a leader and role model to other fathers in the community as a certified fatherhood facilitator.
Knowing firsthand how deep the “father wound” cuts, White does all he can to prevent or alleviate that for children. He works as a home study specialist with Extra Special Parents, a local foster care service, where he evaluates prospective foster parents and trains them on how grief, loss and trauma can affect kids.
White also works as a Henrico CASA volunteer, advocating for children in court who have been removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect.
He’s had many jobs in child welfare, but the roles all have the same goal: combating abuse and neglect and combating fatherlessness.
“The father wound is a deep thing,” White said. “You put all your trust into your parents when you're growing up, especially in the beginning. If they betray you, that's the start of your trust issues right there.”
It’s easy to repeat the cycle, White said. But the goal of his advocacy is to encourage men to use their own experience of fatherlessness to fuel them to decide to break the cycle.
“You have to be intentional to be able to break something like this,” White said. “I recall my anger, my confusion, my hatred for (my father)... and there's no way in the world I will allow my son to have those same feelings.”
White wrote a memoir detailing his experience finding his biological father: “Finding Chris, My Father.” The book was later adapted into a screenplay, which was performed at Virginia State University, the Henrico Theatre and the Children's Theater, among other venues. He said that both the play and book have inspired many to find or connect with their own fathers.
“I know now, there's a lot of men and women that are currently dealing with a fatherhood wound,” White said. “People put on their imaginary masks and they go into work — they’re CEOs, they’re janitors, construction workers, lawyers, politicians - - and they all deal with it.”
One in four children live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Research overwhelmingly shows that children whose fathers are absent are more likely to experience poverty, have behavioral problems, drop out of high school and go to prison.
“The role of the father should be appreciated more and the importance of that role needs to be understood and cultivated,” White said. “For generations and generations fathers, specifically Black fathers, have been overlooked.”
White is spending Father’s Day with his son, Jordan, in California, where the two are looking at colleges. Jordan wants to be a neurosurgeon, and White said he’s doing everything he can to make that dream come true.
“Why I go hard as a father is because of the lack of having one and, and that and now I want to be everything for my child,” White said. “I've been present literally from birth... and he's doing great.”
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Anna Bryson is the Henrico Citizen's education reporter and a Report for America corps member. Make a tax-deductible donation to support her work, and RFA will match it dollar for dollar.
