Now What?! Women of a certain age

As a woman approaching 50 a bit quicker than I would like, I am coming to some realizations that I’m sure others can relate to as well – things you may not realize until seeing yourself through another person’s lens.

My mom used to mention how much she loved to dance when she was younger and how she knew the latest dances. It would always make me laugh a little, because the woman I saw in front of me wasn’t what I would consider, ‘hip’ when it came to dancing. She would consistently talk about how stylish she considered herself with the way she put herself together in the latest trends and hairstyles – also not what I would see in front of me.

Don’t get me wrong, my mom always enjoyed singing and dancing at events as well as always looked polished when she went out and about. How she presented herself was very important. She helped instill in me and my two older sisters that you should always leave the house presentable and not sloppy.

Now, the tables have turned. Much like so many lessons I am slowly learning in life, I now see things clearly through my mother’s lens. I have always considered myself a pretty good dancer but while listening to a live band recently, my body wouldn’t do what my mind was telling it to. I could see other people doing dances that seemed so simple to me, but my brain and body weren’t in sync. I used to think I was relatively stylish in putting outfits together or accessorizing.

Now, I find myself sending a niece a message or googling things to make sure they aren’t too out of date. I may look for something in the store that I consider pretty common and basic for women and realize they are very sparse these days (like panty hose). There are clothes that may be trendy and may fit me OK but that I would look ridiculous wearing at my age.

As I have said so many times by now: “Mom… I get it, and I’m sorry!”

I also have come to the conclusion that I am age-blind. It’s a term I made up that I use when I see someone who I consider a peer. When I was still in the dating world, that was a bit dangerous because I would look at someone in their early 30s or late 20s even (I was in my late 30s and early 40s) and think they were in the same bracket as me. Not so much. If a young woman was talking about the dating world or going out, I would be looped into the conversation. I didn’t think anything of it until I would say something that made them look at each other and laugh like, “That’s so cute that the old lady thinks that way.”

The most recent example happened during a recent team meeting at work. A colleague who is relatively new to the team and fresh out of grad school and I were sitting in the conference room waiting for the meeting to start. I made a comment about how hot it was in that room, and she just politely smiled. Then I followed it up with a comment about how it could very well just be me because it happens from time to time. She then sweetly said to me, “I completely understand, my mom is going through the change.”

Blank stare from me. It was at that moment that I came back to reality that we are not peers and that she sees me as more of a maternal figure – which, let’s face it, I could be! She is only a couple of years older than my own son.

I have come to grips with the fact that my hands are a little veinier than they used to be and that when I gain weight it doesn’t really disperse throughout my body but rather gathers in one spot with a vengeance. I also have come to terms with the fact that when

I listen to the radio or watch TV, there are so many popular young celebrities and artists who I know nothing about.

These are difficult pills to swallow but also a part of life. Just like it is difficult for me to accept that the younger generations know Lionel Ritchie from ‘American Idol’ and have no idea what a groundbreaking and brilliant pioneer in the entertainment industry he really is.

My request is this: have compassion with women of a certain age. We don't quite need assistance walking or functioning, but perhaps we need some assistance, and patience, with pop culture and fashion references. And for goodness sake, you don’t need to record every blunder on your phone to post for a laugh.

Most importantly, don't assume everything that may happen with us, our moods, or our internal temperature is a result of ‘the change.’ I have always been an old soul, I’m just having a hard time accepting that my body is catching up!