Now What?! When did kids become the boss?

The older I get, the more I feel my tolerance level lowering and lowering in public.

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I’ve dedicated several months in this very forum to some of these public annoyances, so bear with me and see if you agree with this one. (Disclaimer: I am in no way professing to be a perfect parent – rather, I’m pointing out a slippery slope that is so much more trouble in the long run.)

Does anyone else observe adults becoming more and more subservient to the children around them?

When my son (now 21) was younger, there often were children around us who behaved in ways I would not have allowed. But these days, I am noticing more and more disobedience, disrespect, and parents who seem almost to be afraid to correct the behavior. Hearing kids throw a fit in a store or telling their parents, ‘No,’ is not a novelty to me in any way. But the frequency with which those episodes seem to be happening in public appears to be rising for sure.

When my son was young, I was steadfast in not allowing him to have random things when we went shopping. He got special things for Christmas and his birthday but rarely outside of those times.

My sister and I took our children shopping together relatively often when they were pre-school age, and we had different approaches when it came to telling our children ‘No’ when they asked for something. Her way worked just fine, but it wasn’t for me. When one of my nieces or nephews would ask for something, my sister would say, ‘Put it on your list.’ This would appease them instantly. No elaboration on what the list was or when it would be cashed in was necessary.

She would encourage my son to add things to his ‘list’ also, but I would chime in with, ‘The answer is no.’ It was important to me that he understand that sometimes the answer is just, ‘no.’ My way was not necessarily the right way nor my sister’s the wrong, it was just different. What we did have in common was that we were not afraid of our children.

I find myself watching other people’s children running at full speed and at full volume through stores and restaurants with no regard for others around them. I also watch the parents of these children not only watching the children do the running and screaming, but giving high fives or a dismissive wave. Children dictate when they will go to school or what they will eat or who they will acknowledge or not.

Here is the problem: adults are doing these children no favors by allowing them to be the boss.

By no means do I have all of the parenting answers. As the mother of an only child, I had to do a little extra work to make sure my son did not think he was the center of the universe and that rules did not apply to him. When children have siblings, they learn organically about sharing or the fact that they can’t choose what’s for dinner or that the world doesn’t stop when they want something. We, as parents, have to put in the work when our children are young so they grow to be halfway decent adults.

It’s okay to let our children know when they are being jerks.

It’s okay to allow our children to deal with the consequences of their actions.

It’s okay for them not to like their teacher or an assignment.

Letting them know that they can dislike something or someone but still power through helps them understand that as they get older, they can survive and thrive with bosses they don’t agree with or coaches who are too harsh. It’s the adversity that makes us stronger. These difficult and uncomfortable conversations with our children in their formative years will ensure assimilation to the real world a little easier.

This is also a public plea to my fellow parents of the world: Unless you are planning to move to a cave with your children, they will have to interact with the rest of us. Respect and courtesy are not a sign of weakness rather an understanding that we coexist in this crazy world, so let’s make it a little easier on each other.