Now What?! The best laid plans

Most of us view the horizon of a new year as a clean slate: a fresh blanket of snow before the footprints and tire tracks make their mark, 365 days of what may come next. But, we also may find ourselves performing our own retrospection of disbelief at the end of the year, analyzing unexpected twists and turns.

On Jan. 1, 2001, like most Americans, I had no idea that the term 9/11 would become synonymous with changes in security, travel, and trust. The security that we could never be attacked on our own soil was dispelled, as was our ability to travel more freely or even see our loved ones off to their respective gates at the airport.

On Jan. 1, 2020, we had such a slight grasp of what a global pandemic may be like, let alone words like quarantine, virtual, and social-distancing becoming part of our everyday vernacular. Never again could we cough in public and not feel as though we should apologize profusely and convince total strangers that we just had a tickle in our throat.

These universal examples help me hone in on my own internal recaps at year’s end from those years that were unexpectedly life-changing. Among them: the year I lost my grandmother, the year I became a mom, or the year my marriage ended.

We all have examples of years that shifted everything, and no matter how much we think we are prepared for the new year, we can’t predict what will happen. The year 2022 was one such year for me.

Last year, I never could have predicted that in late winter, my mother’s annual Non-Hodgkins Non-Agressive Lymphoma scan, which had been clear for the previous 10 years, would have uncovered a new tumor. It was malignant, leading to an intrusive removal and subsequent chemotherapy spanning the majority of the year. I’m grateful that she is still around for 2023 and hopefully will have only good news to report about her this year and beyond.

Also last year, my son decided to study abroad. That was a super exciting and pride-inducing shift but prompted me to make plans that I never would have predicted. This 46-year-old apprehensive traveler with an anxiety disorder and no passport decided that she did not raise a son who was braver than herself. He inspired me to bite the bullet and plan a trip to visit him at his semester home of the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, UK.

I got a passport for the first time in my life, booked a non-refundable flight and hotel, and put in my request for vacation days. I began to research the area and the transportation options while visiting and was surprisingly calm and excited in contrast to my usual nervous and doubtful pre-travel self.

Alas, much like all best-laid plans, my trip to Scotland did not come to fruition. The morning of my flight, with my suitcase and carry-on packed and waiting in my upstairs hallway, I made the decision to cancel my trip at 5 a.m. I couldn’t lift my head off of the pillow for longer than five minutes without having to lie back down. My body hurt, my head was killing me, and I had a low-grade fever.

As the phone messages rolled in wishing me safe travels, my replies flowed in between naps, begrudgingly admitting that I was not making the trip after all. The only thing that made the change in my plans a little better was that I wasn’t just under the weather but rather was positive for COVID. The song “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette played in my head with my own spin… ‘She finally got her passport and was all set to go, Her first and only positive COVID test told her no – isn’t it ironic? Don’t ya think?’

The last whopper of 2022 happened toward the end of the year, in the form of my aunt’s aneurysm and subsequent strokes. When major health implications come to a family, they don’t just impact the person who experiences them, nor are they only about the healing and recovery process. They sometimes shift the dynamics of a family forever, revealing the strengths that you didn’t know previously existed and the selfish natures that you never wanted to believe existed.

Sadly, I have learned firsthand throughout my life that these dark times can bring a family closer than ever but they can also bring to light small cracks in the foundation.

We all go into a new year not knowing what exactly will transpire. We can make resolutions and predictions, but time will tell what will truly happen. Personally, I am beginning 2023 with a grateful and hopeful heart. My family is healthy (for the most part), my son is home safe and sound ready to return to school, my job is secure (knock on wood), and I am at the beginning of a healthy relationship with the kind of man I didn’t believe existed.

Let’s hope that all other twists and turns from previous years have prepared me for anything that this year throws my way.