Now What?! Square pegs

Some folks may remember a TV show that lasted one season in 1982 titled “Square Pegs.”  Since I was in kindergarten when the show aired, I didn’t watch it, but the title has always stuck out to me for some reason.Forty years later, the premise of the show – about a group of high-schoolers who didn’t fit in – resonates, in different ways.How many of us can relate to the idea of trying to make a relationship – whether a friendship, romantic connection, family or work relationship – fit into a perfect slot when it just doesn’t?

I am all about pop culture references to illustrate a point. I could have just as easily cited the movie Mean Girls, in which the main character, Regina George, tells her friend to “stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen” after that friend’s attempts to get a new adjective to catch on. (Maybe I should have titled this month’s article, ‘Trying to make fetch happen.’)

No matter the title, the message is the same. The question is: When is it time to pull the rip cord and realize fetch will not happen nor will the peg ever fit into the hole?This is the question I have found myself asking recently. The lesson taught to us throughout our lives is to stick with something that you want and make it happen, right? If you want to get better grades, study harder or put in more effort in your work. If you want to be a better cook, keep trying and expand your culinary horizons.But what about human relationships? They aren’t solely dependent upon one’s own actions, conviction, and behavior. We may aspire to have Jane down the street as our bestie, but our interests just don’t align no matter how many compromises we make.It may be our dream to take family-wide vacations, but the reality is that this isn’t enjoyable or relaxing for all families. We can try to bite our lips throughout the trip to keep the peace or ignore each other’s idiosyncrasies, but vacation isn’t something to work through.Romantic relationships may be the toughest with which to come to terms. I have sharpened my emotional intelligence skills through the years, which has helped me do this when these are not quite what I’d hoped they might be. Conversely, I am still building my toolbox of coping strategies to make romantic relationships work when they just don’t.My rational mind understands that they can’t all be connections and some are just put into my life as a lesson (or writing material in my case!), but the heart is not always rational. Sometimes we can do everything in our power to make a romantic relationship work to no avail. I envy the folks who can look at a mismatch as a problem with the other person, not with themselves. I may get to that point eventually but for the most part, I look inward. We can only control how we respond to a circumstance, right?The moral of the story is this: You can be a great catch, but you won’t be a great catch for everyone. Not every lid fits every pot. When we maneuver our way through relationships, it’s important to understand some people come into our lives to teach us something. Sometimes the lessons are obvious – for example, if you aren’t compatible with someone who smokes, or if you’d rather not date someone who is shorter than you.But sometimes the lessons are a bit deeper and don’t necessarily make sense. Join me in learning when to find a different angle for your square peg – and when to know it is time to move on because it just will never be a fit.