This month marks the 32nd anniversary of the day my Nana passed away. Most every day of my first 16 years included Nana, my maternal grandmother, in some way. Whether it was watching her regimented TV schedule, riding along to her doctor’s appointments, or the monthly pilgrimage to the local Army base for the commissary and PX. Every day, including the one on which she took her last breath.Nana’s TV schedule generally consisted of Regis and Kathy Lee and The People’s Court in the morning, which was interactive for my grandmother. We used to tease her that Judge Wapner was her boyfriend. Midday was The Price is Right and local news, while the afternoon was filled with soap operas on both ABC and CBS and the evenings a smattering of Entertainment Tonight and courtroom dramas. My imaginary friends were named after soap opera characters, so I was always invested in the storylines. There was something comforting about this television schedule, and it still takes me to that feeling of comfort thinking of her sitting in her chair. She never had a driver’s license, so she was dependably and consistently there when any of us needed her. Stephanie McNamaraErrands and doctor’s appointments (before the days of streaming services, endless channel options, personal cell phones or even call-waiting) were never a chore. Going for a car ride and listening to the music on the radio was an actual treat. I would give anything to be nine years old in the backseat of Titi Betty’s car while Whitney Houston’s Saving all my love for you was playing in her tape player. I had just been dropped off after being away for a week at cheering camp when Titi and Nana pulled up from one of these monthly trips to the base without me. There are a few days that will always be crystal clear in my mind, and this is one of them. I ran to the front door to greet my grandmother. I remember so vividly that she hugged me because that was not usual. We didn’t generally greet each other with hugs or kisses but that day she hugged me. My 16-year-old self, still wearing my competition outfit from camp, had no clue that she would pass away that very afternoon, right in her chair while watching her shows.Nana is a part of who I am; then and now. I found comfort in her and still do, even though I can no longer smell her dusting powder or feel the cotton of her moo-moo or the softness of her wrinkled thin skin. I can practically see her arthritic hand crookedly covering her puckered lips when trying to tell me, my sisters, or my cousins to stop talking back when our mothers were correcting us. Personally, I believe she watches over me and I speak to her accordingly. Almost 23 years ago when I found out I was pregnant, I got into the car at my OBGYN’s office and even though I was by myself, I talked to Nana to clear my head. During my divorce, I looked for guidance from Nana to let me know I would make it to the next day. Now, during this next stage, with an amazing man in my life, I’d like to think that she guided him to me. I say all of this to say: What if it’s all a bunch of nonsense? Many people don’t believe in guidance or prayers or even a higher power. But, so what?! What if it isn’t real; what if I found a rock in my front yard to have some kind of healing powers? So what?! Who am I hurting by finding comfort during difficult times? The world is a little too full of folks telling others how they should or should not think and feel these days. Unless someone is spewing hate and exclusion toward others, I say live and let live. My grandmother was not a social person because she was not confident in her English but she was never mean to anyone. She wasn’t an affectionate woman and did not say ‘I love you,’ terribly often, but none of us ever questioned how much we meant to her. She was every bit of 90 pounds, yet we all felt protected with her around. My suggestion to everyone is to remember the ‘Nana’ in your life and what they meant to you. Let them represent your hope. Turn to them and their memory when you take a deep breath or need guidance. If someone thinks you are being ridiculous, so what?!
A little more than 5 years ago, I wrote my first article for this column entitled, ‘The precipice of empty nesting.’ I landed on the title for the column to be ‘Now What?!’ because my son was going into his senior year of high school and I genuinely felt like
A few months ago, I unknowingly began a social experiment. How would different Starbucks baristas react when I ask to have love added to my Starbucks order?
During a quick trip through the drive-thru at Starbucks with my fella, I wanted to make him smile. After I gave my four-part
The word ‘gold’ represents the pinnacle or the best. Couples celebrate their golden wedding anniversary after 50 years of marriage. You arrive at your golden years when you have lived the majority of your life. When you are in the sweet spot of a situation, people say, ‘You are golden.
As a woman approaching 50 a bit quicker than I would like, I am coming to some realizations that I’m sure others can relate to as well – things you may not realize until seeing yourself through another person’s lens.
My mom used to mention how much she loved
