Now What?! Patience is a virtue. . . but for what?

Although a virtue, patience is not one of my strengths. I’m the first to admit that. I couldn’t wait to have my first boyfriend, or my first kiss, or to blossom into womanhood. Through every impatient frustration of my youth and young womanhood, my nana would say, “Stephie, your time will come.”

Her words echo in my mind as I navigate (again) a completely different test of my patience: dating.

As a teen, I begged and begged for my mother to let me to have a boyfriend before I was allowed, and she finally gave in. Although my eighth-grade beau and I didn’t last more than a couple of weeks, you’ll be happy to know that we are still friends and he, along with his husband, are living their best lives.The first kiss is something every girl dreams about, and we learn about how it will be through TV shows and movies. Growing inpatient, I told my best guy friend that I had never been kissed, so he told one of his friends to kiss me at a dance. His lips fell somewhere between my lips and cheek, but there it was nonetheless. I should have let a kiss happen organically, but I was impatient.Raised the youngest of five girls (two older sisters and two older cousins), I could not wait to blossom. Let’s be real, I couldn’t wait to have boobs. I will maintain a little dignity and not tell you what the others would tease me about but suffice it to say, I would regularly measure my progress. I was impatient, but nature absolutely took its course with a vengeance. There was nothing I could do to push along that process, but if I could go back and talk to my pre-pubescent self, I would tell her to enjoy the bra-less days while she could.I give these antidotes as small examples of how my lack of patience didn’t serve me well, and how I have learned from it.But at this stage in my life, I hear Nana’s words more than ever. I’ve learned to be patient in the dating world, but that has taken a little practice, admittedly.I have heard from more than one man that I need to be more patient. I always take in feedback, whether it is personal or professional, but I don’t always agree with it. Though I’m not patient by nature, that doesn’t mean I can’t be.Here is the problem that I run into – what am I being patient for?I have written a manuscript about, marriage, divorce, and midlife dating that I am hoping to have published. I wrote it over the course of my first year of post-divorce dating, reflecting  upon what I’d learned. This process has taken a great deal of patience, as during the past five years I have been through several iterations, agent and publication rejections, and content exclusions. But I know that my words will be in print when the time is right.In a chapter called “Girlfriend on a Shelf,” I recall the time I was seeing someone who seemed to want me available when he was able to pull me off of the shelf – but who otherwise needed me to be patient and not push.In fact, I already was being super patient with him, which in turn was giving him the impression that I was fine with him not caring what was happening in my life when he had me ‘on the shelf.’I was so concerned with not wanting him to think I was being pushy that I didn’t let him know that six months into the relationship, I wasn’t really ok with just being an accessory.I am still waiting for my post-divorce ‘time to come,’ and for that, I will be patient. When you are waiting in line for Starbucks, you know what you are waiting for. When you order a new dress, you know what you are waiting for. When you are pregnant, you don’t know what to expect, but you know there is a due date.But it’s unrealistic (to me) to be patient if I have no idea what I am being patient for. I don’t need to know a man’s life plan, but I don’t just want to spend months upon months being patient only to be ghosted. Don’t give me indifference, and I will be willing to be patient if I know what awaits.Enough of my single lady problems with patience. Bendicíon Nana.