Now What?! Of fairy tales and self-rescue

Like most women, I grew up watching and hearing fairy tales with wide eyes and a hopeful heart. The princess overcomes an obstacle of some kind only when Prince Charming joins the mix. There have been modern exceptions to this formula, but for the most part, little girls become young women thinking their obstacles cannot be overcome until they find a husband. What do we do when we find ourselves by ourselves and in the midst of life’s obstacles?

There is something extremely powerful about the partnership of a solid marriage based upon mutual strength when the other needs it. If you are lucky enough to have it, you understand what I am describing.

When I was married, I leaned on my husband to help me make most big decisions and whenever I needed someone during those other obstacles. It was security and control that I gladly relinquished. The downside to divorce was losing that partnership and finding that, for the first time in my life, I was left to rely solely on myself.

I was chatting recently with a friend with a military background. He shared a training about self-rescue that he facilitated – and the reaction from the participants. During the module, they watched a video centered around a combat scenario wherein two soldiers were under attack and one was injured severely.

The injured soldier yelled repeatedly, “Help! Medic!” Finally the uninjured soldier sternly yelled back (in language more colorful than quoted here), “There is no freakin’ medic!”

This struck me and has stayed in the back of thoughts since hearing the story. The participants of the training module unanimously agreed that the moral of the video is ‘There is no freakin’ medic.’

I’ve named my life-coaching page on social media ‘Secure Your Mask’ as a nod to the safety directions on airplanes. Passengers are directed to secure their own oxygen mask before attempting to help anyone else. This isn’t a selfish act but rather the strategic way to approach most things in life.

Much like self-rescue, self-care is the cornerstone of healthy living. Self-reliance, even when you are in a partnership or marriage, is essential. I take full responsibility for not subscribing to any of these before my divorce. You can’t attempt to be an effective partner, spouse, parent, co-worker or simple member of society without securing your own oxygen mask first. (Although securing your mask these days implies something a bit different, in this regard I am speaking of the metaphorical mask.)

There will always be instances in which we need help from those around us, whether it be family or friends, and there is nothing wrong with taking it. The message I am trying to convey is this: There is no freakin’ medic!

We can’t wait for our boss to praise our work to know we are doing a good job. We can’t wait for a love interest to compliment us to appreciate our true beauty. And most importantly, we can’t wait to be rescued in difficult times. We must secure our masks, roll up our sleeves and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps to figure things out. If all goes well, we won’t only get ourselves through difficult times but perhaps help those who love us through difficult times as well.

To quote “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley…
“It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the Master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul.”