Now What?! Finding perspective in life

Stepping outside of ourselves to consider someone else’s perspective may not always feel natural, but it can be eye-opening.

Consider these scenarios:

Scenario No. 1
You’re shopping in a department store, mentally recalling your shopping list so you don’t forget anything. You are distracted by a child, no less than 6 years old, in a stroller. She is curled up with a blanket and a pacifier. Feeling judgmental, you look at the mother with disapproval and keep walking. The child doesn’t appear to have any special needs, so you feel confident in your disapproval.

Whoops.

Scenario No. 2
You and your son are out for a walk on a hiking trail when you spot someone you knew years ago through PTA volunteer work. As you are about to pass each other, you smile and she does not turn to look in your direction. Feeling snubbed, you turn to see if she turns as well, but she doesn’t. You turn to your son and say, ‘That was a bit rude. I was only going to say hello, but she pretended she didn’t even see me.’

It’s during your son’s response that you feel two feet tall from embarrassment.

Scenario No. 3
Your friends want to get together for dinner because one of them has a new boyfriend. You are beyond excited to meet him, as you have heard nothing but glowing reviews. Everyone gathers and gives pleasantries by way of introductions in the entryway, and the group finds its way to a large table in the back. You find yourself sitting across from the new boyfriend and you try to make conversation, but he just kind of looks at you blankly and looks away each time. Does he think he’s too good to talk to you? He may be a good-looking guy, but he needs to get over himself. Your friend (his girlfriend) leans over to him to respond a few times and he whispers in her ear occasionally, but that’s it. You leave thinking he was a real jerk and super arrogant.

But was he?

Now let’s learn the rest of the story about each scenario.

Scenario No. 1
The mother wanted her daughter to be as comfortable and secure as possible because this was her first trip out since she got the all-clear to be in public. The little girl – a cancer patient – had completed her rounds of chemotherapy, as well as isolation time at home, and all she wanted to was to shop at her favorite store. For her mom, a little comfort regression was a small price to pay to have her daughter healthy and getting back to her old self again.

Scenario No. 2
“Mom, don’t you remember what happened to Mike*?” your son asks quizzically.

Mike was the woman’s only child. About a year earlier, he had taken his own life. Mike and your son played Little League baseball together for years. It turned out that the day you passed her was her first time out of the house for anything other than work. Not only was she in a daze, but she was trying desperately not to connect with anything that might remind her that her son was gone.

Scenario No. 3
The next day, your friend calls and says, “Hey! What did you think of Nate*?”

Before you can respond, she continues.

“I felt really bad because he is completely deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other, and it was absolutely my mistake to introduce him in a crowded restaurant. He was embarrassed and frustrated because he wanted to interact but everything was muffled for him, so he just looked around and tried to read as many lips as he could. Sorry I didn’t give you guys a heads up.”

* * *

I’ve found myself in many scenarios like these before. Maybe you have, too. They’ve taught me to try to consider things from someone else’s perspective, in the hope that I will get the same courtesy.

The reality is that you may never know what someone else is going through – whether it be a death, a divorce, infidelity, a sickness, depression, or just a feeling of being overwhelmed in life. I am empathetic to a fault and feed off of the energy of others. There are times when I come across as cold or unresponsive when I’m hearing a news story or even a struggle of a loved one.

I can assure you, though, that I am not oblivious to the hardships around me or cold to them. On the contrary, I am simply shielding myself from them for self-preservation. If I allow myself to take in all of the world news, pandemic updates, natural disasters, political division and not to mention the strife of anyone in my personal life, I won’t be able to function; it overtakes me.

My request is simple: You don’t need to dig deeper in every interaction you have because, let’s face it, some people are just jerks. But the next time you find yourself judging someone’s parenting choice or reactions to something, stop. The next time you are frustrated that your friend is reaching out to you enough, refrain. The bottom line is that no one ever completely knows what those around us are dealing with behind closed doors.

*The names and scenarios included here are fictitious.