Now What?! Exit interviews for personal relationships

One of the most frustrating things in life is when things go south between two people, communication is lost, and there is never an explanation as to why.

This frustration transcends categories and can be applied to any relationship involving two people, whether they be employer/employee, vendor/customer, family members, friend/friend, or romantic partners. Within the past handful of years in the dating world, this has become increasingly bothersome.

What if we didn’t have to wonder what happened and actually got feedback on our contributions to the relationship?

One of the many dating stories shared with me by a good guy friend was one of his breakup. He told me the woman asked him to meet up for an ‘exit interview.’ I was blown away and it has stuck with me as utter brilliance on her part!

As they carried on with awkward post-breakup pleasantries, she began asking questions and taking notes with every response. The questions were not invasive and also not terribly specific – but they served the purpose of giving her the closure she needed to move forward.

Recently I’ve been thinking about how invaluable a tool like this would be for an overthinker such as myself. Instead of being left to fill in the blanks on your own about what went wrong, you could get constructive feedback.

Speaking from a dating perspective, sometimes things just don’t click and you both know it from the beginning, and you move on. When the ‘exit interview’ comes into play is when you think you’re building something and getting to know each other – boom! – you’re ghosted.

What was it that turned the other person off? Maybe it wasn’t lack of physical attraction – just the reality that you are boring, for example.

Within the workplace, most companies adopt the procedure of an exit interview when someone leaves. When employers are actually interested in improving, they take the feedback into consideration for their own growth and development. They can use the feedback to ensure improvement among staff or with processes in place.

Can you imagine receiving a link to a survey monkey following ghosting, a break-up, a dinner party, or whatever interaction you may need to improve in the future? Questions like…

● Please rate my punctuality on a scale from 1-10 (1 being super late and 10 being very prompt)
● How likely are you to recommend dating me to a friend?
● Having to sit across from me made you nauseous – True or False.

This idea may seem super odd, but it does have merit. The responses need to be general and not with malicious intent, though. If you are angry or hurt enough that you would have responses that go for the jugular, maybe your response should be, ‘no comment.’

Sometimes we may part ways with people in our lives that we just didn’t connect with, personally or professionally, and that’s ok. Feedback is not always necessary.

But we grow when we acknowledge room for improvement. I’m not suggesting that people change their personality or physical appearance based upon someone else’s opinion, but I am suggesting the value of staying open to answers. I live by the philosophy that I don’t ask questions unless I’m willing to know the answers.

At the end of the day, I like closure. I don’t do well with loose ends in any aspect of my life. Sometimes that’s unavoidable, but my request to anyone reading this is simple: Don’t just cut off communication with someone who has been in your life on a consistent basis.

My public service announcement for today is don’t be a jerk. Don’t make the overthinkers of the world fill in the blanks themselves.