Now What?! An etiquette lesson

Sometimes I like to clear my brain while an old sitcom plays on TV in the background as I get things done around the house.

Among the shows in rotation is “Frazier,” and a recent episode resonated. In it, the main character, Dr. Frazier Crane, is fed up with the citizens of Seattle being rude. Between a man who took his parking spot and a woman who ignored him as he held the door open for her, he had enough by the end of the day. Then when a man stole his seat at the local coffee shop, he grabbed the stranger by the arm, tossed him toward the door, and said, “What you need is an etiquette lesson.”

Lately, I find myself saying this same phrase repeatedly.

I’m not referring to nit-picky etiquette like “No napkin on the lap,” or forgetting to send a thank you note, but more in the realm of basic human decency that’s being tossed by the wayside.

One example that seems to be more and more common is folks coughing or sneezing to the side out in open air. Even before COVID, I would cringe when someone did this around me. In theory, these people probably have convinced themselves that they are sneezing or coughing away from the person they are with. But in reality, it only puts all of the germs and saliva particles into the air for others to walk through. (The inside of an elbow does just fine, in case someone out there needs reminding.)

Another simple courtesy not always observed is when someone (generally a stranger) holds the door open for the person behind them – with no acknowledgement from said person. Sometimes when I am sitting in Starbucks, I people-watch, and I’ve observed on many occasions the person for whom the door is being held walk right by the door-holder with nary a smile or thanks – as if it were just expected. Often, these people are either on their phone or, I suppose, simply just feel that entitled.

I remember teaching my son to hold the door open for people as a courtesy (I would have encouraged the same if it were a daughter, but a son is what I have). When they didn’t acknowledge him in any way, I would say loudly enough for them to hear, “Thank you for doing that even though they didn’t say anything.”

I often told him throughout his upbringing that you do the right thing even when it isn’t reciprocated. It isn’t about allowing yourself to be taken advantage of – it is about sticking to your own integrity.

Another common act of rudeness that I observe repeatedly is when people use their cell phones on speaker in a public place, especially when others are quiet around them. This has happened around most of us, but most recently it happened while I was waiting for my car at the dealership.

There are waiting areas for watching TV or having conversations and there is another that is supposed to be silent for those who want to work or just enjoy the quiet. Not only did a gentleman answer his phone in the quiet area but he proceeded to have a very loud and lengthy conversation. I almost felt like I was on a hidden camera show because that was the only explanation for the blatant disregard for common courtesy.

I won’t even comment on the other seemingly professional man in the same quiet waiting area who decided it was completely appropriate to bite his nails and spit the shrapnel to the side.

Much like the aforementioned Dr. Frazir Crane, I find myself wanting to grab some of these folks and remind them that they are not in their living room and to be even a little more mindful of those around them. It is far too much to ask for everyone to just be courteous, but hopefully it is not too much to ask for people to just step outside of themselves every now and then to think about how their actions may impact others.

I will make it even easier for everyone: The next time you want to bite your nails in a confined space with strangers and spit out the fragments into open air… don’t! Please and thank you.