Now What?! A tale of two women

There are periods in our lives when we have a high concentration of family time, be that fun, happy, sad, or trying. Within the past year, my family has experienced this high concentration of 'togetherness.' Personally, it is during these times that I reflect on what makes me proud of the core of our family, our matriarchs.

I come from a long line of strong women who were not born that way but rather developed their callus of strength through life experiences. My grandmother and her two daughters have their own stories of triumph and hurt that are not mine to share. Suffice it to say, they have earned their badges of strength ten-fold. Although my mother and aunt are both strong, they are different women. I consider myself fortunate to be a mixture of the two.

When I was younger, there were stretches of time when the two most important women in my life did not speak to each other, and it helped me learn from an early age that peacemaking was my superpower. (That superpower also caused me to have an ulcer at 15, but I digress.) I often found myself treading lightly between allegiances because of my deep admiration for both.

The gifts of my aunt were not those of my mother, and vice versa. My mom has the incomparable ability to make any event special on a shoestring budget.

For example, our annual Christmas scavenger hunts, designed to extend the excitement and magic a bit. The smallest of gifts were met with anticipation by all of us as we followed along the path of clues individually. Our cousins would love to come over first thing Christmas morning to join in on the fun and often were included with clues of their own. This annual tradition was born out necessity: our mother grew tired of her months of planning and paying on gifts through layaway being torn through within a matter of minutes and Christmas being finished in a flash. Before long, the scavenger hunt was born and has continued with my own son.

Creativity through necessity, though, has never been top priority for my aunt (Titi Betty because she would hate that I’m referring to her as my “aunt”).

Along the same lines, keeping an immaculate house has never been in my mom’s wheelhouse but was the cornerstone of Titi’s home for the past 55 years. Growing up and well into adulthood, I knew exactly to whom to turn when I couldn’t figure out a stain removal option or how to mix a cleaning formula from scratch – Titi Betty.

When I needed to reupholster a hand-me-down Queen Anne Wingback chair, it was Titi who taught me how to properly take it apart, replace everything from stuffing to fabric, strip and refinish the legs to make it look brand new and antique at the same time. If any of us had an ailment, it was Titi who had the homemade remedy – and it wasn’t just lip service. From skin issues to pink eye, she made us feel better.

These ladies' different strengths are only part of why I feel fortunate to have their traits braided beautifully throughout my DNA. I could list many aspects of who I am that I can attribute to each but their similar strengths are what make me the most proud.

When their daughters need them, they drop everything, act first and ask questions later. They show up. Each went through major health issues within the past six months, but despite previous issues, the other always showed up. My mom fought through chemotherapy this summer during the course of seven months and Titi Betty came over to keep her company, joke, and make her favorite meal, Arroz Con Gandules. Titi is currently fighting her way back from the ICU after an aneurysm leading to a stroke, and my mom has been at the hospital every day to joke with her in Spanish and clean her nails with the same soap their Mami used.

I have been compared to both throughout my 40-um-plus years by different people in my family. I have been a go-between for the two, a transporter of messages, a defender of the other, the aforementioned peacemaker, and even once strategically seated between them in the front row of their brother’s funeral.

I used to be frustrated and overwhelmed with the role of being half in one family and half in the other. Today, I wear it as a badge of honor. Both show me what it is to be strong without depending upon anyone else. (Count on others, but don’t depend on them for survival.) It is my deepest hope that my nieces, nephews, and son know that I want nothing more than for them to see a sliver of that strength in me.

Dios Las Bendiga Mom y Titi.