Now What?! A journey in retrospect

A little more than 5 years ago, I wrote my first article for this column entitled, ‘The precipice of empty nesting.’ I landed on the title for the column to be ‘Now What?!’ because my son was going into his senior year of high school and I genuinely felt like I had no idea what would happen next. My only child would be off (God willing) to college within a year, and here I was a divorced single mom with the focus of my life on the verge of spreading his wings wider than ever before. I was excited and terrified all at once and tried my hardest to not let him in on my trepidation.

Little did I know that over the course of my five years of writing, almost 60 articles later, nothing really ever settled.

I did not get very far into my journey of preparing myself for the changes in store before the whole world went through adjustments; in the form of a global pandemic. My son was a little more than halfway into his senior year as the class of 2020 when the world shut down and everyone was homebound and social distancing. He did not have a senior prom or an actual graduation and his 18th birthday was celebrated at a distance by drive-by drop-ins in the front yard by friends and family who made it special.

Moving him away to college took a whole different level of stress and worry. He could not move in at the same time as his roommate, and we were staggered with other families to avoid too many folks in the hallway. He was tested (as were all other students and faculty on campus) weekly for COVID. They were not allowed to come home and visitors were discouraged to keep the campus safe – understandable but difficult for a first-year family. My son rolled with it and even thrived within the environment – one of many times that I marveled at his resiliency.

His departure to college would have opened up my social life more if it were not a global pandemic. Not everyone believed in social distancing, but I did; not to the extreme of some but it was not something I overlooked. As restrictions lifted a bit, things opened up a little over the course of the next couple of years. I joined an organization toward the beginning of the lockdown and have been there ever since – with a few promotions along the way. I will say that I am pretty proud of myself for the path I have pushed myself down (or up as the case may be). I have met several people along the way that I wish I hadn’t and some that I cannot imagine life without.

It took me 45 years, but I finally got a passport. I planned my first overseas trip when my son was studying abroad in Scotland and was super nervous but was pushing myself every step of the way. I know I didn’t raise a son to be brave and then allow myself to chicken out. The night before I was to leave, I became ill and had to cancel my trip. It turned out to be my first case of COVID. The only upside is that I had begun dating someone about a month earlier, and he, too, had COVID (still in debates as to who gave it to whom). We quarantined together a bit and really got to know each other. We are now a few months away from celebrating two years together, and he is genuinely one of the life-changing encounters that I cannot imagine my life without.

During this five-year journey, I have lost friends to dreadful and heartbreaking diseases and tragedy. I have watched other friends and my mom fight cancer and continue to do so; some fights have been more rigorous and life-changing than others. Much like my mom making it clear to her 10-year battle with Lymphoma that it would not win, I watched my Titi survive strokes and an aneurysm when we all thought we were saying good-bye, and she fought back. I have watched friends nurse their children and families back to health and have so much admiration for the strength it takes to be the support and not be allowed to collapse themselves.

I have been a part of friends’ weddings and subsequent divorces. I have seen nieces and nephews give me great nieces and nephews who only make me itch to be a Nana (even though I can definitely be patient). I have had the joy of witnessing the same children my son grew up with become engaged and married. I had the privilege of seeing my son flourish throughout college and build a solid foundation for himself by graduating and setting his sights high with a new career and a home of his own.

Now, even though the nest isn’t so empty for the time being, I am grateful for the richness of the requiem on which I can look back. I don’t know what the next five years have in store for me, but I definitely have a better grasp of the path than I did when this journey began. I have gone from trying to survive to being intentional with my next steps and where I want to go. Most importantly, I am designing the blueprints myself.

I want to thank my readers for clicking in month after month to read my opinions on manners, dating, parenting, divorce, friendship, and so many other topics. I hope I get the opportunity to share my words in another capacity someday soon as this journey closes, another one will soon begin.