Now What?!

As parents, we look forward to new milestones for our kids – such as making friends, playing sports and starting school. We look forward to them, that is, until our whole life revolves around said milestones.

To those of you without children or with children too young for activities, let me shed some light on how things go. You gladly watch your child playing soccer, performing gymnastics, swimming or pirouetting during a recital. Along with the pride, you take on the fees, uniform costs, volunteer requirements, fundraising and shuttling each child. Some activities for the little ones are relatively easy, from a parental expectation perspective; when they are young, you generally pay fees and are tasked with bringing snacks for the team during one game of the season.

As your children dive farther into a particular interest, the commitment increases. The more committed my son was to a sport or activity, the more I enjoyed being involved. Don't get me wrong, the juggle was still difficult but became an even trade. When he swam for a local year-round swim club – though the club is extremely reputable and fueled his skills to this day – we certainly paid for it. The money commitment for membership was substantial but was only the beginning; there were also expenses for swim equipment, team suits, caps and fees for monthly meets.

"Shuttling" is in full effect with year-round anything. I suggest making some friends with other team parents carpooling purposes – it makes life easier. The ultimate goal with any year-round sport is to have your child become a better athlete. If this happens, all commitments increase. More expensive equipment, more expensive suits and higher travel cost conspire to create a whole other beast. When our son reached one particular time-standard goal, he earned the right to wear a certain jacket – which (you guessed it) we paid for, to the tune of $70. I remember saying to my ex-husband, 'Isn't it interesting that with each goal he reaches, we are given the 'privilege' to buy something new?’

The same amount of money, time and practice commitment goes into most sports and activities the older our children get. Whether it be Scouts, travel baseball or softball, travel volleyball, AAU basketball, swimming, soccer, lacrosse, dance, gymnastics, marching band … pick a passion!

What about friendships when your children are in elementary and  preschool in particular? You want to help foster and nurture their  social growth. It’s exciting to see who your children clicks with or  what brings out a belly laugh in them as their personalities develop.  But every now and then, allowing friends to come over makes for more  work whether the friend is ‘bored' or doesn't like your snacks or is  jumping on the furniture with his shoes on! Much like the sport  commitment, it’s a great problem to have, but today I’m not writing  about the joys of parenting – rather, the struggle and the juggle of  parenting.

Starting school is not only a milestone but a rite of passage. When this particular milestone hits, there is no turning back. It is the start of new friendships, projects, class trips, report cards, awards assemblies, notes from the teacher, volunteering, spelling bees, lice outbreaks, bullies and school dances, just to name a few. Elementary school starts with hope and questions; fear and excitement; new shoes and fun lunch boxes. The end of it is marked by braces, acne and pubescent odors, as our children are ushered into a whole new beast of a stage by the name of middle school.

Middle school brings new struggles and victories as a parent. Our children become more independent as they dive deeper into their activities, sports and friendships. This independence is in attitude alone – they still depend on us for shuttle services, trips to the mall, practices, games, recitals and bridging ceremonies, in addition to our daily duties and jobs.

We stay the course through illnesses, first crushes, not making whatever team, fights among friends, heartbreak, learning disabilities and body insecurities. Personally, I’ll take the laundry list of errands over these intangibles any day. Tell me who wouldn’t want to drive carpool over helping their child through their first heartbreak.

Everyone’s home is different, and the day-to-day lists shift, but for the most part we all have the same responsibilities in running a family. Laundry needs to be done, groceries need to be bought, meals need to be prepared, houses need to be cleaned, books need to be read, baths need to be directed and yards need to be kept. It’s all part of the universal parenting juggle. Sometimes we get lucky and are able to hear a fun story or serve as the pillow they choose to snuggle up to while watching TV.

Consider this a challenge, my fellow jugglers: Take the time during carpools or while reading with your kid(s) to listen and ask questions. Every now and then they open up about what is going on in their life, and we need to be ready to pause and listen.