Now what?!

Raise your hand if cloning yourself still would leave you feeling as though you don’t do nearly enough for everyone around you.

Ok, now put your hand down before your co-worker thinks you have a question. If you are like me, your hand was raised. If you are the small percentage who feel you leave nothing on your to-do list unchecked, continue reading with judgment toward the rest of us.

Parenting is a juggling act, from pregnancy through college. In my estimation, a lot of the struggle in the early stages of childhood is self-imposed due to how much we feel we ​should​ be doing – but it is real nevertheless.

The pressure to do everything perfectly begins during pregnancy. Some are wise enough to understand that no one is perfect and that there are multiple approaches to most parenting decisions. For those of us who succumb to the notion that we should listen to every piece of advice or read every cautionary tale, the pressure begins.

There are some rules pregnant women need to follow that aren’t up for debate. These are the basic rules to ensure the health of your baby, (for example, don't smoke or drink while pregnant).

Most other ‘guidelines’ make pregnant women feel inferior. In this day and age, this inferiority is amplified by social media (which a friend of mine eloquently referred to as our ‘highlight reel’). There are constant media (social or otherwise) implications that suggest pregnant women have control over every outcome of a child’s development simply by preparing properly.

If you want your child to be cultured, you read or play music to him or her in utero.

If you want your labor to be easier, you need to start certain exercise regimens early in your pregnancy.

Don’t stress too much (always my favorite piece of advice) because the stress impacts the health of your baby – which only makes you worry more.

Make sure to take a ton of pictures and document every step of the way for your child. (Sidenote: Staged photo sessions are so adorable, but if you don’t make time to do them when you child is just the right number of days old, you’ve lost the chance – and what if the baby is sick that day or one of your other children are sick?)

Set your nursery up early on in your pregnancy to be ready – but not too early because you don’t want to jinx a healthy delivery.

Make sure to put your child on a daycare or preschool waiting list right after you find out you are pregnant, otherwise there won’t have a spot at a reputable establishment by the time he or she turns three years old.

One conversation that sticks out to me from my pregnancy 17 years ago was a co-worker telling me that every pregnancy and every delivery experience are different.

Reasonable, right? Then she proceeded to tell me exactly what I should expect minute by minute based on her experiences. I chose to listen to the first part and understand the second part was a contradiction.

To say I was a bundle of nerves when I was pregnant is an understatement. My only experiences of pregnancy were friends and family around me who all loved being pregnant. They felt connected and knew right away that they wanted to experience it over and over.

This was not my feeling at all, which made me feel like a failure as a mom before I even brought him into the world. I have since learned that there were a lot of women who felt the way I did during pregnancy and/or post-partum, but at the time, failure was all I felt. Although I kept up a game-face and did not share my feelings with anyone besides family, I felt like I was failing as a mother out of the gate.

I am grateful that my post-partum depression did not last beyond my son’s one week in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) but there are so many women that are not so fortunate. My heart goes out to them, because not only do you feel like you are failing at your first task as a mom, but you feel broken and alone. Indpakningsfolie, Farvet folie, Folie tryk, Grafisk design, Selvklæbende whiteboardfolie, Selvklæbende træ folie, Magnetskilte, Klistermærker, Solfilm, Folie til biler, til vinduer folie-hus.dk

My side piece of advice is to reach out to someone, even if it is in secret, to get help. Reach out to me if no one else.

I’ll fast forward a little past pregnancy and delivery, which truly are, in fact, all unique. Some can be similar but even multiple pregnancies experienced by the same woman are unique.

How about when you have your little one and the comparisons really begin?

This mom bounced back to her pre-baby weight, why didn’t I?

Those parents already have their baby sleeping through the night after a couple of weeks, why haven’t we?

Tyrone started walking at nine months, why is our son still crawling at a year?

Janie stopped sucking her thumb by four, why is my daughter still self soothing during kindergarten naptime?

Jackson was potty trained by the time he was one and a half, why is our son still in diapers at almost three years old?

Brooke can dress herself for preschool, why does my daughter still needs her parents help?

Joshua is putting together full sentences at three, why is my child barely understandable to his teachers?

Molly packs fresh healthy snacks for her children every day for school, why am I still sending easy sweets?

The reality is that we all kind of judge other parents in our own way, even if it is to make ourselves feel a little more adequate. Parenting presents differently for everyone. Some appear easier or more manageable, but this doesn’t make them necessarily better than those who appear to be all over the place. I have eaten so much crow throughout my son’s 17 years from his behavior that I once judged in another child. Whether you are a single parent, part of a two-parent household, a working parent, a stay-at-home parent or a grandparent raising your grandchild; parenting is hard.

As a parent, we are trusted with this human life and the pressure can be unbearable during pregnancy and through the formative years. We do the best we can. Take it from a woman who didn’t know that she wanted to be a mom until she had her son in his own nursery for the first time, every pregnant woman doesn’t swoon. Just like every new mom or dad does not know exactly what to do when their baby won’t stop crying or their toddler throws themselves on the ground in the middle of Target. Let’s cut ourselves some slack on the parenting journey.

Next month's column, Stephanie will examine parenting through the toddler and early school years.