Now What?!

Remember how easy it was to make friends when you were a kid? You liked the same color or were playing on the same swingset, and boom – insta-friends! The simplicity of friendships through the lens of innocence is enviable in the land of adulthood, where they are not as instant – though their value can be much deeper.

I liken my friendships to shoes – one style doesn't meet every need. When I go shoe shopping, I tend to see things universally. The tennis shoes have to match everything, and the dress shoes have to be black, navy, or brown. I've come to realize that while I have my black casual shoes, it's okay to have a pair that I may need just once in awhile.

Friendships are similar: You accumulate a collection from all aspects of your life, if you’re lucky.

I used to think that if a friend didn't fit the 'everything' mold, it wasn't a real friendship. If I couldn't tell that person everything or if he or she didn't share the same opinions as me, it must be a bust. I couldn't wrap my brain around the lasting friendships others had that I didn't. Maturity and experience helped me finally conclude that a good friend doesn’t have to be your everything. You can have your core friends (your comfy browns, navys and black slip-ons), but you can also have friends who are on the perimeter for fun (your pink paisley wedges).

My favorites are the ones you come across every once in awhile. You forget that you had them and remember how great they make you feel (like boots from college you can't seem to part with). Once you see them you’re reminded that they will never be out of your rotation. Most of us even have friends we look back on and claim temporary insanity (platform tennis shoes that light up).

Shoe analogies aside, friendships aren’t always life-long. Some friends drift in and out of our lives, but most leave an impression before their exit – not always a positive one, either. But sometimes those are lessons we needed to learn about ourselves for one reason or another.

"Toxic relationships” don’t just refer to romantic relationships; I’m not alone in having experienced toxic friendships in my life. When it’s a romantic one, you can break up. But how do you go about “breaking up” with a friend who consistently brings you down? Some just need to fizzle out naturally like a hydrangea in September.

When I was younger, I allowed myself to stay in friendships for sheer longevity. As an adult, I realize, friendships should be comforting, enjoyable, fulfilling and two-way streets. That's not to suggest that we all get along with our friends all of the time; much a marriage, it’s unrealistic to think that you won’t disagree or get on each other’s nerves at times. But in genuine friendships, you have a little awkwardness during those times and you move on.

There is no doubt that a variety of friends can be a blessing, but making friends as an adult isn’t always simple. If you are a parent, a lot of friendships form through your children – from meeting moms-to-be in parenting classes to developing play-group friends that lead to playdate partners. My adult friendships all started when my son started preschool and continued from there. Some of my best friends to this day are ladies I met around our community pool watching our soon-to-be kindergartners splash around with each other. The thread of common humor in our sons’ antics conspired to build an unintentional foundation for which I am unbelievably grateful.

During the past 14 years of having a school-age son, I have been fortunate to meet some incredible men and women. You find yourself thrust into common situations through the PTA or a team sport where you overlap continuously year after year with the same families. Along the lines of not all friends fitting into a particular mold, the people I have met have been dynamic in what they bring to the table. There were stay-at-home parents, attorneys, OBGYNs, pharmacists, nurses, landscapers, bus drivers and too many others to name. We all have strengths and (generally) we care about each other’s kids, which is a great feeling. In the best of circumstances, our kids grow up and we get to enjoy them as adults.

Some of those new friendships were with men. As far back as I can remember, I have skewed male when it comes to comfort in friendships. I love my female friendships but tend to relate a little more to men. When I was younger or married, this wasn’t a problem. It’s fine to be comfortable being friends with men when you are a married woman because you are secure in your couple friends. This is a very tempting process, during which you can immerse yourself in the atmosphere of true bliss. Russian beauties are known for their stunning appearance. Look free live porn - pleasure for real men. Free registration gives you the opportunity to communicate with the most charming slutty girls. If you have not tried to communicate in this free sex video chat, then there is good news for you. There is no registration.

As a single woman, it becomes trickier on many levels to stay in the same friendship circles from when you were married. I don’t feel comfortable joking the same way or chiming in on the same discussions. I have 16 years worth of marriage and ‘dating your husband in college’ stories, but recanting experiences post-divorce seems almost pitiful.

And don’t get me started on being friends with a man who is single also! Although the dating scene has accumulated way more friends than love interests for me, my male friendships always seem to elicit the same reaction: “ ​You and [insert single guy’s name here] should totally date! Why not!?"

That's frustrating because it’s a little insulting to think that my only prerequisite for dating someone is that he is single. The bottom line is, I don’t want to flirt with anyone’s husband and I am just fine being friends with a single man without dating him.

Good friends are hard to come by, and whether it is your significant other, family member or just a straight up friend, covet them. Make it clear through your actions how important they are to your life. Let’s teach the next generation what it means to care for and about someone outside of ourselves.

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.”
– Tennessee Williams