'I have been run over by the freight train'

Henrico parents at Gov. Glenn Youngkin’s “Parents Matter” conversation in Henrico Tuesday raised concerns about rampant social media use and the need for more technology restrictions in schools.

Youngkin discussed topics such as social media, bullying, parent involvement in school counseling and curricula, and school choice with Henrico parents at Crestview Elementary. The event was the third “Parents Matter” town hall he has hosted, following similar conversations in Roanoke and Prince William County.

The conversation centered around increasing parental involvement in all decisions made involving their children in schools, with Youngkin emphasizing the “rights and responsibilities” of parents to be in the know about all aspects of their children’s lives.

State Senator Siobhan Dunnavant of Henrico, who also helped lead the conversation, said that Virginia must restore the “parent-teacher authority unit.”

“The social agenda in schools kind of excludes parents from conversations and has derailed a lot of the academic conversation,” Dunnavant said. “Our kids, we know this, they need structure, they need guidance, they need accountability.”

For many Henrico parents, the primary concern in the county is how the schools can regulate technology use and educate students on the dangers of social and digital media.

“It’s the Instagram, it’s the TikTok, it’s the Snapchat,” a Henrico parent with two teenage sons in Henrico schools said. “I feel like anyone can come in at any time and as much as we try to protect our children, it’s really hard and you feel incredibly vulnerable, just kind of throwing them out into the world.”

“She’s fully immersed in Snapchat constantly, TikTok constantly, and the conversation is too far gone, because it’s ingrained into her everyday, her every minute, it’s constant,” another Henrico parent said about her 20-year-old daughter. “So I feel that I have been run over by the freight train already and it’s not something that I know how to back up, quite frankly.”

Excessive and dangerous use of social media is a clear problem among teenagers in Virginia, according to Youngkin, who said that 20% of Virginia children have reported being engaged in social media 24/7.

“Think about that. Kids are sleeping with their phones on,” Youngkin said. “The vast majority of Virginia kids say that they are deeply engaged with social media nearly all the time. This is a phenomenon that we have to be fully aware of.”

Along with parental regulation, Youngkin suggested implementing more school-wide or community-wide resources for parents to educate each other on technology and social media.

“How can we collectively, not state government, but collectively get on a program where parents can find resources?” he said. “Where they can find access to state-of-the-art education on what is happening in the world of social media.”

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Parents also spoke about the issue of bullying in Henrico, particularly online bullying. Eleina Espigh, a parent and candidate for the Henrico School Board from the Three Chopt District, said she wants middle and high schools to reinforce lessons about acceptable use of technology regularly.

“Cyberbullying, social bullying is the number one issue for students, teachers and parents in Henrico County,” Espigh said. “I’ve talked to my own children about technology use in school and whether there are rules in the school system about acceptable use of technology, but they’re not really taught. My own son was just telling me, ‘the only thing I learned about was what you taught me at home.’”

Youngkin and other parents emphasized the need for more school communication to parents about what’s happening with their child, especially when it comes to bullying or inappropriate content.

One Henrico parent, Laura Burke, said that two of her children were introduced to pornography in a middle school.

“You can put every single parameter in place to protect your children, and then they go to school,” she said.

Burke, who said that her children came to her after the incident, encouraged parents to establish an open dialogue with their children.

“I’m gonna say one word: communication. Communication with your children is really important,” she said.

Tuckahoe District School Board member Marcie Shea was among the attendees of Tuesday's event.

Parents at the event applauded a Virginia law signed this past year by Youngkin, which requires schools to notify parents about a bullying incident involving their child within 24 hours. Youngkin said he was outraged by the death of a 13-year-old boy who committed suicide after being bullied, with his parents never being informed of the harassment.

“I remember standing with his father, and his dad said, ‘I don’t know if we could have done something, but the fact that we didn’t know and have a chance to do something is unforgivable,’” Youngkin said.

Several parents also criticized reading materials found in Henrico schools or libraries that they deemed sexually explicit or developmentally inappropriate. One great-grandfather from Henrico said he was horrified by books brought to him from a Henrico elementary school library meant for children ages three and older.

“These books were the most shocking, disturbing, pieces of garbage I’ve ever seen, that glorified the epidemic going on in our country today of gender dysphoria and gender confusion,” he said.

Youngkin highlighted the Virginia Department of Education’s new model policies on transgender students, which require schools to share information with parents about their child’s gender identity. The Henrico School Board intends to conduct what officials called a "thorough review" to determine whether to implement any of the policies, which have been harshly criticized by members of the LGBTQ+ community, Democrats and many educators, including the Virginia Education Association but supported by many conservative groups.

Youngkin also cited a state law he signed last year, introduced by Dunnavant, that obliges schools to notify parents about sexually explicit content in their children’s curricula and gives parents the opportunity to choose alternative materials.

Dunnavant said that parents should have the ultimate decision on what content their children are exposed to in school.

“We’re talking about the legislation protections for explicit content – you need to know what your kids are hearing,” she said. “I will not hear anymore that an educator that’s taken a class on age appropriate education for a child knows more than I do about what is appropriate for my child to learn.”

As he continues his “Parents Matter” events, Youngkin said he hopes to “empower” parents to become further involved in pushing for their rights in their school systems.

“Out of this comes a basic competency discussion around, do parents know what is going on in their children’s lives?” he said. “One of the things that I go to work every morning focused on is about empowering parents to be at the head of the table with every decision that’s being made with regards to their child – every single decision.”

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Liana Hardy is the Citizen’s Report for America Corps member and education reporter. Support her work by making a tax-deductible contribution to the Citizen through RFA here.